The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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