I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
