I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
