Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
