I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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