This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
