Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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