OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
