I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
