dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
