The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
