ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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