Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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