I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he fucked my hip out of place.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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