Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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