party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize