no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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