Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
