am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
