I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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