Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
