apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
