Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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