cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
