Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
