tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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