i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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