I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
