He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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