Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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