I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
