My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize