yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
