? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize