I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
