you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
