I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
please come you make the beer taste better
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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