Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize