areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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