:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
