and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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