So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
