Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
