I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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