My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
