I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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