I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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