I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
