You're my little dorito
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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