everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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