when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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