So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
