the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
