I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
