Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can Purell be used as lube?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
